Have you ever wanted something so desperately that you actually cannot voice your desire?

That the fear of hearing the words out loud is so scary that your stomach does flip flops.

That when people tell you to release your hopes into the universe it feels like a gigantic scam to make your world tumble down.

This is exactly how I have felt about the adoption of my new son. That if I actually shared the ins and outs of the situation it would actually explode in my face, my heart.

It hasn’t been helped by social workers who should have the words “hopefully” and the statement “it should” ripped out of their practice handbook. The hedging of their bets or professional distance is nothing but frightening for an adoptive parent.

We need to hear “of course” or “it will“.

I honestly feel as if I have been walking on eggshells this last year.

Read on | Chaos and Conversation