This morning I burst into tears. I have a history of depression, I have managed to cope with major life changes without resorting to tablets and I am proud of this. However, this morning I was reading my timeline on Twitter and I just burst into tears.
I’d had a snappy sort of disagreement with my other half before he went out fishing for the day. We said the obligatory (in our house) love yous and drive carefully, and enjoy yourself before he left. He forgot his bait and came back in with daffodils picked from the garden, so a tentative truce has been drawn. Yet I burst into tears once I was sure he had gone.
I was being most unkind in my head and wishing him dead (not just me, surely?) and then feeling sorry for any poor bugger who would have to deal with the consequences of that, and then feeling bad about wishing him dead when others wish their loved one were still alive – and I burst into tears.
I wanted to put it out on Twitter, that I was feeling low, and started to type a tweet. Then realised I couldn’t. My family are on Twitter, they will worry. They don’t need to.
So where do you go when you just want to get it off your chest without worrying those who love you? When it isn’t really bad, but you just want a shoulder to cry on? A virtual hug?
With timelines full of International Women’s Day, and how Women should be out there and doing it all, why can’t I cope with a husband who, while he can be a total arse, is my total arse and I love the bones of him, even if he does drive me mad some days?
I have a blog, I can’t put it on there, too many people who know me read that.
I am on Facebook. I can’t put it on there, too many people who know me read that, and I never put personal stuff on there anyway.
Where do you go? You go to Post 40, and the Unsigned submissions. You get it all off your chest and hope to feel better in the morning.
This morning I burst into tears and wished my husband dead. This evening I burst into tears while writing this and thanked my God that he did indeed come home again, in one piece having had a great day fishing.